I recently attended my son’s high school graduation. His high school years were horrible for him. I was in bed all day and night and couldn’t even get up to cook him meals. Anyway, after the commencement I approached the Superintendent, Principal and the school counselor. They all three knew our situation. I’m 5 foot 1. These strapping men had sheer terror in their eyes. I usually don’t pay much attention to that because I have 2 friends that totally understand me. It sent me into an episode of disassociation. I have no memory of the open house. Thank goodness my friend was helping me.
The question that poses is, if I am afraid of this, and they are afraid of this, then who the hell is going to make all of us understand.
I am frustrated, confused and just pissed. I’m in communities on facebook. They all want to “stop the stigma” but no one has done a thing. Celebrities come out about it which is great BUT they need backup. We need to go into schools, community outreach areas that are out of the way, clinics to educate staff. Some still think its a cop out. I have to admit that I leaned that way until it happened to me. It hit me like 2×4 to the head. Let me let you in on a secret, Hell is not down below us my friends. It is right in the intimate part of our brains. Bipolar Depression is like having demons holding you down and telling you horrible things about yourself. I used to be a very confident woman.
One particularly bad day, I was staring in my mirror sobbing. Begging god to take me. Begging to make it stop if only for a moment. I still do sometimes. I believe in God and know he is with me but for those of you who don’t, its ok. I respect how you feel and hope you have something to believe in.
I’ll be writing every day. The reason why? We need to do MORE to educate the ones who fear us. Sometimes I think I should stand in a corner somewhere staring at my fingers singing and then twirling. (I’m a bit sarcastic) Then I realize it needs to be talked about everywhere. Like Heart disease, Kidney Failure, Cancer, yes Cancer, Mental Disease is just as common. Yes, Disease. To me an illness is the flu or a cold.
I would love to go out and get the word out. If you feel inclined, please reach out.
(Everything I say in here is purely my opinion.)